Page 12 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart

The professor then asked one student to explain what he saw to a student on the opposite side of the
room. As they talked back and forth, communication problems flared up.
"What do you mean, 'old lady'? She couldn't be more than 20 or 22 years old!
"Oh, come on. You have to be joking. She's 70 -- could be pushing 80!"
"What's the matter with you? Are you blind? This lady is young, good looking. I'd like to take
her out. She's lovely."
"Lovely? She's an old hag.
The arguments went back and forth, each person sure of, and adamant in, his or her position. All
of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important advantage the students had -- most of them knew
early in the demonstration that another point of view did, in fact, exist -- something many of us would
never admit. Nevertheless, at first, only a few students really tried to see this picture from another
frame of reference.
After a period of futile communication, one student went up to the screen and pointed to a line on
the drawing. "There is the young woman's necklace." The other one said, "No, that is the old woman's
mouth." Gradually, they began to calmly discuss specific points of difference, and finally one student,
and then another, experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came into focus. Through
continued calm, respectful, and specific communication, each of us in the room was finally able to see
the other point of view. But when we looked away and then back, most of us would immediately see
the image we had been conditioned to see in the 10-second period of time.
I frequently use this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations because it
yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal effectiveness. It shows, first of all,
how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions, our paradigms. If 10 seconds can have that kind
of impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime? The influences in our
lives -- family, school, church, work environment, friends, associates, and current social paradigms such
as the personality ethic -- all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame
of reference, our paradigms, our maps.
It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors. We cannot act
with integrity outside of them. We simply cannot maintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently
than we see. If you were among the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the composite
picture when conditioned to do so, you undoubtedly found it difficult to think in terms of having to
help her cross the street. Both your attitude about her and your behavior toward her had to be
congruent with the way you saw her.
This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the personality ethic. To try to change outward
attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms
from which those attitudes and behaviors flow.
This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact
with other people. As clearly and objectively as we think we see things, we begin to realize that others
see them differently from their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view. "Where we
stand depends on where we sit."
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case.
We see the world, not as it is, but as we are -- or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our
mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.
When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them. But, as the
demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the
unique lens of experience.
This does not mean that there are no facts. In the demonstration, two individuals who initially
have been influenced by different conditioning pictures look at the third picture together. They are