Page 97 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart

takes out the garbage, we can be certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding,
disappointment, and withdrawals of trust.
Many expectations are implicit. They haven't been explicitly stated or announced, but people
nevertheless bring them to a particular situation. In marriage, for example, a man and a woman have
implicit expectations of each other in their marriage roles. Although these expectations have not been
discussed, or sometimes even recognized by the person who has them, fulfilling them makes great
deposits in the relationship and violating them makes withdrawals.
That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out
on the table. People will begin to judge each other through those expectations. And if they feel like
their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished. We create many
negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are clearly
understood and shared by other people.
The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. This takes a real
investment of time and effort up front, but it saves great amounts of time and effort down the road.
When expectations are not clear and shared, people begin to become emotionally involved and simple
misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication
breakdowns.
Clarifying expectations sometimes takes a great deal of courage. It seems easier to act as though
differences don't exist and to hope things will work out than it is to face the differences and work
together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations.

Showing Personal Integrity

Personal integrity generates trust and is the basis of many different kinds of deposits.
Lack of integrity can undermine almost any other effort to create high trust accounts. People can
seek to understand, remember the little things, keep their promises, clarify and fulfill expectations, and
still fail to build reserves of trust if they are inwardly duplicitous.
Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty. Honesty is telling the truth -- in other words,
conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words -- in other words,
keeping promises and fulfilling expectations. This requires an integrated character, a oneness,
primarily with self but also with life.
One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In
doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you
retain the trust of those present.
Suppose you and I were talking alone, and we were criticizing our supervisor in a way that we
would not dare to if he were present. Now what will happen when you and I have a falling out? You
know I'm going to be discussing your weaknesses with someone else. That's what you and I did
behind our supervisor's back. You know my nature. I'll sweet-talk you to your face and bad-mouth
you behind your back. You've seen me do it.
That's the essence of duplicity. Does that build a reserve of trust in my account with you.
On the other hand, suppose you were to start criticizing our supervisor and I basically told you I
agree with the content of some of the criticism and suggest that the two of us go directly to him and
make an effective presentation of how things might be improved. Then what would you know I
would do if someone were to criticize you to me behind your back?
For another example, suppose in my effort to build a relationship with you, I told you something
someone else had shared with me in confidence. "I really shouldn't tell you this," I might say, "but
since you're my friend..." Would my betraying another person build my trust account with you? Or
would you wonder if the things you had told me in confidence were being shared with others?