Page 297 - Writing Winning Business Proposals

288 Appendix F

Earlier Draft: Although we will receive some questionnaires later than we
had anticipated, we are tallying those already received. When more responses
trickle in, we can simply integrate those data into what we have compiled.

Apparently, the earlier draft’s intention was to communicate a message, to speak
in a voice, that suggested the following: “Don’t worry. This isn’t that big a prob-
lem, and everything will be all right soon.” The voice might be characterized as
“laid back” or “unperplexed.”
After reading her draft, the consultant must have decided that, although the
situation might not be problematic to her as the consultant, it might be seen as a
big problem to her reader, who was anxious to have the project completed on time.
Where she intended “laid back,” the reader might have inferred “lazy.” Where
she intended “unperplexed,” the reader might have read “reactive.” So she used
a different voice in a later draft—call it “aggressive,” “on top of the situation,” or
“proactive.” Even a simple change from receive (which suggests passivity) to col-
lect (which suggests activity) makes a big difference:

Later Draft: Although we will receive collect some questionnaires later than
we had anticipated, we are already analyzing tallying those already received.
Just as soon as When more the remaining responses trickle in do arrive, we
can simply will immediately integrate those data into what we have already
compiled.

How important is voice in the proposals you write? Vitally. When I try to decide
between your proposal and a competitor’s, I feel like I’m listening to a debate.
Each proposal not only presents different content, each “speaks” that content in
a different voice as it attempts to convince me. You’re no longer there, but your
voice is, even in your absence. What the voice says reveals a lot about your char-
acter and your personal characteristics. The voice can project you as sympathetic
or hard-nosed, as structured or flexible, as detail-oriented or global. Your written
voice shouldn’t be the same from proposal to proposal any more than your speak-
ing voice is the same from situation to situation.
Adjusting your speaking voice is much less difficult than adjusting your writ-
ten voice. You are well practiced in playing different roles as you speak. You’re
not the same to a superior as you are to a subordinate; not the same at the office
as you are at a sporting event or a cocktail party. You know, somehow, that in any
of these situations you’re still “yourself,” only a different side of yourself, of your
many-sided personality. So you don’t think very much—you don’t have to think
very much—about how you present different sides of yourself in these different