Page 51 - Crucial Conversations

START WITH HEART 33

Later that day we asked Greta how she had been able to keep
her composure under fire. We wanted to know exactly what had
been going on in her head. What had helped her move from
embarrassment and anger to gratitude?
"It was easy," Greta explained. "At first I did feel attacked,
and I wanted to strike back. To be honest, I wanted to put that
guy in his place. He was accusing me in public and he was
wrong."
"And then it struck me," she continued. "Despite the fact that I
had four hundred eyeballs pinned to me, a rather important ques­
tion hit me like a ton of bricks: 'What do I really want here?'"
Asking this question had a powerful effect on Greta's think­
ing. As she focused on this far more important question, she
quickly realized that her goal was to encourage these two hun­
dred managers to embrace the cost-reduction efforts-and to
thereby influence thousands of others to do the same.
As Greta contemplated this goal, she realized that the biggest
barrier she faced was the widespread belief that she was a hyp­
ocrite. On the one hand, she was calling for others to sacrifice.
On the other, she appeared to be spending discretionary funds for
her own comfort. It was at that moment that she was no longer
ashamed or angry, but grateful. She couldn't have asked for a bet­
ter opportunity to influence these leaders than the one offered up
by this penetrating question. And so she moved to dialogue.
Refocus your brain. Now, let's move to a situation you might
face. You're speaking with someone who completely disagrees
with you on a hot issue. How does all of this goal stuff apply? As
you begin the discussion, start by examining your motives. Going
in, ask yourself what you really want.
Also, as the conversation unfolds and you find yourself start­
i n g to, say, defer to the boss or give your spouse the cold shoul­
der, pay attention to what's happening to your objectives. Are