Page 55 - Crucial Conversations

START WITH HEART 37

Seeking revenge. Sometimes, as our anger increases, we move
from wanting to win the point to wanting to harm the other per­
!
son. Just ask Greta. "To heck with honest communication " she
thinks to herself. "I'll teach the moron not to attack me in pub­
lic." Eventually , as emotions reach their peak, our goal becomes
completely perverted. We move so far away from adding mean­
ing to the pool that now all we want is to see others suffer.

"I can't believe that you're accusing me of squandering
good money on a perfectly fine office. Now, if nobody else
has any intelligent questions, let's move on "
!
Everyone immediately clams up and looks a t the floor. The
silence is deafening.
Hoping to remain safe. Of course, we don't always fix mis­
takes, aggressively discredit others, or heartlessly try to make
them suffer. Sometimes we choose personal safety over dialogue.
Rather than add to the pool of meaning, and possibly make
waves along the way, we go to silence. W e 're so uncomfortable
with the immediate conflict that we accept the certainty of bad
results to avoid the possibility of uncomfortable conversation.
We choose (at least in our minds) peace over conflict. Had this
happened in Greta's case, nobody would have raised concerns
over the new office, Greta never would have learned the real
issue, and people would have continued to drag their feet.

SECOND, REFUSE THE SUCKER'S CHOICE
Now, let's add one more tool that helps us focus on what we real­
ly want. We'll start with a story.
The faculty of Beaumont High School is hashing out possible
curriculum changes in an after-school meeting that's been going
on for hours. It's finally the science department's turn to present.
Roycc, a chemistry tcacher who's been at Beaumont for