Page 84 - Crucial Conversations

66 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

Yvonne doesn't respond, he goes to silence. He pouts, says almost
nothing, and avoids Yvonne for the next few days.
Yvonne knows what's going on with Jotham. Occasionally
she'll go along with him even when she's not feeling particularly
romantic. She does this in hopes of avoiding Jotham's pouting.
Unfortunately, she then feels resentful toward Jotham, and it's
much longer before she feels genuinely romantic toward him.
So here's the game. The more Jotham insists and pouts, the less
attractive and interesting he is to Yvonne. The more Yvonne suc­
cumbs and then resents, the less she's interested in the entire rela­
tionship. The more both of them act out rather than talk out this
crucial conversation, the more likely they are to end up going
their separate ways. Yvonne has decided to broach the subject
with Jotham. Rather than waiting until they're both upset, she's
picked a time when they're relaxing on the couch. Here goes.

YVONNE: Jotham, can we talk about what happened last
night-you know, when I told you that I was tired?

JOTHAM: I don't know if I'm in the mood.
YVONNE: What's that supposed to mean?
JOTHAM: I'm sick and tired of you deciding when we do
what!

YVONNE: (walks out)

STEP OUT. MAKE IT SAFE. THEN STEP BACK I N
Okay , let's look at Yvonne. She tried t o tackle a tough topic.
Good for her. She was already uncomfortable and her partner
took a cheap shot at her. Some help he was. Now what should
she do? How can she get back to honest and healthy dialogue?
What do you do when you don't feel like it's safe to share what's
on your mind?