Page 393 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

Model Question Papers | 381

In this fair and cooperative spirit, invite the other person to sit down and talk it over
with you. Even with warring spouses, marriage mediation has proven to be far superior to
settling disputes in divorce courts. Lawyers in court do not take a cooperative, integrative
problem-solving approach; they take an adversarial, get all you can, let’s-prove-who’s-wrong
approach. If we can control our emotions just a little, however, we can usually work out good
solutions. The cooperative, integrative solution approach is not appropriate in all cases.
Have a discussion to understand both sides’ problems, conflicts, needs, and preferred
outcomes (separating ‘positions’ from ‘interests’). Be empathic:

It is important to make this first meeting as cordial as possible while being honest
and open. Persuading the other person to take the ‘win-win’ approach may take time,
especially if the other person is angry. Admit there is a conflict; acknowledge that both
of you have legitimate needs and goals. Be respectful and, as much as possible, empa-
thize with each other. Indicate that you are willing to be flexible and open-minded; ask
them to be. See if both of you are willing to make a sincere effort to work out an optimal
solution, recognizing that neither can have everything he/she wants. If so, arrange to
take the time necessary to understand both sides.
Start by clarifying to each other exactly what the conflict or problem involves. Find
out what they want. Get all the information the other person has to offer. Ask for all
the additional information you need. Don’t try to offer solutions now. First, just listen
to their side, get all the facts, and give the situation some thought (solutions come next
time). Don’t try to assess blame but point out anything that seems unfair. Be honest
and cordial. Keep on maintaining a good relationship, talk over coffee, or take a walk
together. Be as understanding, empathic, and sympathetic as you can be (considering
that you may be viewed as the villain).
Gather all the additional information you need and think of several options or plans
for resolving the conflict and satisfying shared interests. Try brainstorming:
Drawing upon the things you both agree on and upon your shared goals and interests,
draft some plans for changing things and for greater cooperation which will maximize
the desired outcome for both of you. Have several plans or ideas (to demonstrate your
flexibility).
One person, say a parent or a child, may simply ask the other to join in a rational,
adult-like effort to resolve a difficulty between them. They are respectful to each other as
equals; both contribute to the solution. There is no force, no threats, no crying or whining
or other pressure to get one’s way, just logic, respect, and consideration of each other. Both
accept in advance that the final ‘solution’ must be acceptable to both. No one is put down;
everyone wins as much as possible.
Both of you present your plans for resolving the conflict; try to integrate the best of
both plans. Or, make a fair offer or express a request Negotiate the differences:
Don’t present your ideas as the ‘ideal solution’, be tentative and honestly welcome dif-
ferent or better ideas. Nevertheless, clearly state the logical reasons for the plans or offer

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