Page 112 - Fearless Leadership

Victim Mentality and Playing Small 99

Persecutors become frustrated when they feel stonewalled and
unable to resolve a problem. They are seldom aware they are per-
ceived as the enemy and discover this only through the behavior of
others.

The Co-conspirator. In order to maintain victim mentality, victims
must have a band of followers who believe that the victims are right.
Victims are skilled at building camps and silos in which people con-
spire against others and complain about groups, senior management,
and the company. Victims seek co-conspirators who already agree
with their views or can easily be persuaded.
Co-conspirators enable and rescue the victims by buying into the
victims’ interpretation of what happened. If you’re a co-conspirator,
you share the feeling that the victim is being unfairly treated. Your
anger and frustration are directed against something or someone, and
like the victim, you blame others and perpetuate the problem.

In Chapter 2, we discussed the blind spot of conspiring against others.
In the victim triangle, co-conspirators take this behavior to a new level.
They engage in unproductive behaviors that occur in a variety of settings
including meetings, hallway conversations, and one-on-one interactions
as described in the sidebar “Examples of Conspiring Against Others.”
Let’s be clear about the role of a co-conspirator: if you listen to a con-
spiracy, hear a conspiracy, or know of a conspiracy and do not take a stand
or action to intervene, you are a co-conspirator. A silent co-conspirator is
as guilty as a vocal one.
The roles constantly change in the victim triangle, and you may find
yourself in any one of the three roles in different situations. For example,
you may be in the victim role with your boss and in the role of the perse-
cutor with a direct report. Because the roles in the victim triangle are
unconscious and not clearly identified, a swirl of emotions and undermin-
ing behaviors occur.
There is a fourth role that takes you outside of the victim triangle: the
role of a fearless leader. The victim triangle is sustained by being right and
not taking accountability, but when you add fearless leadership, the cycle
is broken and victim mentality cannot endure.