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Making Your Words Count 163

Following are some other good techniques for asking questions
that allow you to share your “best” point of view and build a bridge
for a productive conversation with others:

1. Start with open-ended questions that encourage the other
people to speak and to share what’s on their mind. These
questions often begin with what, how, and why: What is it that
bothers you? How do you see that happening? Why is that
important to you?
2. Use closed questions to clarify the information and validate
your assumptions: When is this due? Are you okay with this
project? When can we meet? Closed questions can be
answered with a yes or no, or a single word or phrase
response.
3. Summarize and then share your reaction and point of view.
Make linkages and build a bridge back to what the other
person said as much as possible.

Guideline 6: Adapt Your Style to Your Audience

Tweaking the golden rule just a little, my golden rule is, do unto oth-
ers as they want to be done unto. It is not about saying things your
way, but saying them in the best way for others to hear them. Your goal
is to get to your desired outcome. To do that, get on the same wave-
length of the person you are speaking with. It helps you to empathize
with their point of view and helps them to relate to you, which
increases the odds of the conversation yielding the result you want.
Back in the 1960s, Dr. David Merrill looked at people’s social
styles and developed a method that takes these styles into account to