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Leading Your Crystal

no matter where you are on the graph in Figure 7.1, and you certainly
don’t need this book to tell you how to respond.
Second are requests for feedback. These are usually people asking
for your thoughts about a past or future performance, as in “What
did you think of my presentation?” or “What tips do you have for me
before I meet with this client?” These requests become more frequent
in the contributor phase of Figure 7.1. The main thing to remember
about feedback requests is to be attentive to timing. If your intent is to
reinforce something positive, you should give the feedback just after
the performance is completed. But if you intend to suggest a change,
you should give your input just before the next performance. Although
it requires a little more effort to have separate conversations at specifi c
times, this type of timing is the only way to ensure that your positive
feedback is encouraging and your change suggestions are usable. (See
Chapter 4 for more information about giving feedback.)
The balance of this chapter is dedicated to the third type of advice
requests, solicitations for situational advice. These requests, the real
indicators of your migration to the advisor phase of Figure 7.1, are the
most nebulous. They are often disguised as complaints or impossible
problems. They’re harder to identify as advice requests and require
much more thought on your part as the advisor. However, they are
also excellent chances to increase the reach and impact of your new
cultural patterns.

Recognizing a Request for Situational Advice:
“What” and “If”
The most important pieces of information regarding situational
advice requests are “what” and “if.” You must become skilled at
determining both what a person is concerned about and if he or she
is asking for your advice about it. This sounds so simple, but many
people are frequently wrong about “what” and “if,” or they forget
to ask the questions entirely. If you make these mistakes, you miss
opportunities to provide useful advice. You may also damage trust by
making others suspect that you don’t understand them or that you’re

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