Page 168 - Make Work Great

Leading Your Crystal

are you just sharing information?” Pose the question honestly, with
no expectation. Either answer is fi ne! In this situation, anything that
isn’t an obvious “Yes, I want your advice,” should be treated as a
“no.” Don’t offer advice unless you’re sure.
You may be wondering why you waited this long to ask the “if”
question. Why not start by fi nding out if the person is looking for your
advice, so you can avoid the long conversation if the answer is no? Imag-
ine the two possible outcomes of this approach. If the person starts out
asking for your advice, the conversation will follow the same pattern
anyway. But if he or she starts out by declining your advice, then what
do you do? Do you say, “Well, go ahead and tell me the story anyway,”
or do you tell the person to come back when he or she is ready for your
advice? Neither of these awkward answers is particularly conducive to
information transfer, trust building, or the demonstration of your new
cultural precedents.
This person has approached you and wants to tell you the story.
Your openness to it confi rms one of his or her unstated assumptions—
that you will listen. In the telling, the person will verbally process the
information and, at the same time, build his or her level of trust and

Recognizing a Request for Advice (“What” and “If”)

• Make open-ended requests for information.

• Seek clarity by offering interim summaries of what you believe to
be the speaker’s understanding.

• Ask questions about your conversation, not about the story.

• Obtain the other person’s agreement that you understand his or her
version of the story, including both the factual and the emotional
content.

• Ask the other person directly whether he or she is seeking your
advice.

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