Page 165 - Make Work Great

From Contributor to Advisor

trying inappropriately to force your views on them. Many interac-
tions that end in frustration begin with misunderstood answers to
“what” and “if.”
Once in a while, a person will ask plainly and directly for your
thoughts or ideas about a specifi c situation, and the “what” and “if”
will both be built into the request: “I’m having a problem with a
coworker, and I’d like to get your thoughts on the situation.” More
often, advice requests begin as problem statements or complaints: “I
can’t get Mary to do her weekly report, no matter how many times
I ask her,” or “There’s no way one person can do all the work that’s
assigned to me.” In cases like these, it’s up to you to discover “what”
and “if” for yourself.
It can be diffi cult to remember to do this. When you hear negative
statements, your natural inclination is to end the complaining. You
may attempt to do this by solving the problem quickly: “Tell Mary
she could get fi red for not writing her report,” or “Make a list of your
priorities and have your manager approve it.” In other words, “Take
this answer and leave me alone!” Or you may end the discomfort by
exiting without engaging: “That’s too bad. Excuse me, I have a meet-
ing.” Unfortunately, neither of these very human responses serves to
build trust, provide useful solutions, or reinforce the importance of
your cultural precedents.
That’s why it’s so important to stay focused on the answers to
“what” and “if.” You must help the other person fully develop his or
her story and then ask specifi cally whether advice is desired.

Discovering “What”
Developing the story is as simple as seeking information. Your fi rst
response to a person’s initial problem statement or complaint should
be neither a suggestion nor an excuse to depart. Instead, say either,
“Tell me more about that,” or “And what else?” Make sure that your
body language and intonation are interested and inquisitive, not accu-
satory or assertive. Invite the other person to have a seat, make eye
contact, and become engaged. Don’t check your watch or attempt
to write an e-mail during your conversation! Your goal—your only

153