Page 170 - Make Work Great

Leading Your Crystal

Be sure that both the tone and content of your questions stay con-
sistent with this intention. Asking “What kept you from recognizing
this as a problem sooner?” can communicate very different messages
depending on the tone you use.
• Defi ne the kinds of advice you can give. Say, “There are basically
two kinds of advice I can offer you: things I see and things I would
do. The things I see are aspects of the situation that seem important
to me, based on my experience. The things I would do are actions I
believe I’d take if I were in your shoes.” As the discussion progresses,
separate the two as you share your insights: “To me, the fact that
Mary hasn’t responded to your requests for timely reports is signifi -
cant—that’s something I see. Personally, I would treat this as a missed
commitment on her part and begin a formal reprimand. That’s what
I would do.” Even if your advisee isn’t comfortable taking the action
you suggest, he or she can still consider the issue you’ve identifi ed.
• Give permission to disregard your advice. Say, “Remember that
you have a better understanding of what’s going on than I do, and you
may also have a different approach. Just because I see something as
important doesn’t mean you have to agree. And just because I would
do something a certain way doesn’t mean you must. Whatever you
decide won’t change our relationship or make me less willing to give
you advice in the future.” Stay true to this promise, and never say,
“I told you so,” if someone returns with a tale of your advice going
unheeded. It won’t be necessary anyway—the lesson will already have
been learned; indeed, it will probably be the reason for the return
visit.
• Remind the person of his or her own responsibility. It never
hurts to remind the other person that you’re offering insights and
ideas, but not directing him or her—and certainly not providing an
excuse for otherwise inexcusable action. Say, “Don’t interpret any-
thing I say as the suggestion, direction, or permission to do something
illegal, dangerous, or unethical. You’re still responsible here. The fi nal
decision of what you do is up to you, because the consequences of your
actions are entirely yours, and you understand your situation better
than I do.”

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