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Balancing Your Life 235

work. Similarly, if either of your minds is elsewhere on other things,
you will not find it a fulfilling experience. So, the first time you do
it, you really need to be sure that you are both committed to spend-
ing a good stretch of time just exploring yourselves. We find that
the first weekend back in the real world after the summer holidays
works well for us. We are relaxed and the world of work is a reality
again, but not an intrusive one. Grandparents or friends can often
be persuaded to look after children to ensure that you can have pri-
vate time.

Stage 2: The medium is the message

Doing what you like doing while you are talking about doing what
you would like to do is a satisfying experience. In our case, we par-
ticularly enjoy walking, eating, and drinking together, so these
activities feature strongly on our list. One year we chose to see a
film that we thought might provoke some interesting lines of
thought. Traveling away for a weekend might stimulate you to make
connections. Or, you may prefer the familiarity of your own home.

Stage 3: Getting started

You might like to use the questionnaire about your work–life bal-
ance as a starting point for discussion. Or, you could look at some
photographs or video footage of the previous year. Perhaps there are
some particular items carrying special meaning for you that you
would enjoy reviewing. We find it is essential at this stage to give
each other private quiet space so that the initial thoughts and feel-
ings we may be about to share are absolutely our own and not influ-
enced by the other person. The simple idea of dividing a sheet of
paper into two columns works well for us:

Things I have felt good about this year Things I have not enjoyed this year

We then share these. All relationships have their disagreements and
your list will inevitably be different from your partner’s. So, it is
very important to avoid any sense of blame here. You are simply