Page 141 - The New Articulate Executive_ Look, Act and Sound Like a Leader

132 DELIVERY

Revised: So we should take it upon ourselves to provide the
necessary leadership.
Old: Moreover, we have not yet heard a believable argument
from the other side.

Revised: What’s more, we have not yet heard a believable argu-
ment from the other side.

Old: However, we were unable to reserve a seat for the
performance.
Revised: But we were unable to reserve a seat for the perfor-
mance. (Some people cling to the notion that it is not OK to start
a sentence with but. This argument was more credible thirty
years ago than it is today. I take the position that the language is
changing fast and that starting with but today is not only per-
missible but actually desirable—because it is more conversa-
tional, whether in writing or speaking.)
Old: Furthermore, our budget will not allow us to take on an
extra project this year.

Revised: Not only that, but our budget will not allow us to take
on an extra project this year.
As a rule, speakers should opt for the revised versions and leave
the “dinosaur” words to the lawyers and bureaucrats who are so
loathe to give them up. (Which is not to say that if you happen to be
a lawyer or bureaucrat you can’t also be an effective speaker. But if
all lawyers and bureaucrats spoke the way many of them write, we
would need professional translators in every courthouse and state
capitol.)

4. Avoid buzzwords. Corporate speeches and presentations are often
swarming with “bumblebees”:

Buzzword: This solution is one that we believe to be viable.
Revised: We think this solution will work.