Page 190 - Using the Enneagram System to Identify and Grow Your Leadership Strengths and Achieve Maximum Success

Become an Excellent Communicator 165

Sixes usually start their conversations with analytical comments, but
they can move swiftly into emotional discussions when needed.
Although the Six’s conversational style can be confident and
bold (the counterphobic Six), it can just as easily become hesitant
and uncertain (the phobic Six). Most Sixes, however, alternate
between the two. Most Sixes appear somewhat serious, and they
talk about “what-ifs” as part of their anticipatory problem solving.
Sometimes this comes across as pessimism, but from the Six’s
point of view, it is really a matter of being idealistic and realistic
simultaneously. In addition, Sixes have quick reactions to events
and ideas that concern or surprise them.

Listen Fully
Sixes give others what they would most like to get themselves: they
listen fully, especially to friends and colleagues who are in need.
However, they have a tendency to project their own thoughts, feel-
ings, and behaviors onto others, assuming that others function
exactly as they do. Because most Sixes do not confirm or discon-
firm their perceptions, they can believe they have listened fully to
someone when they actually have not.
In addition, Sixes may filter or distort what they hear when they
distrust the other person, imagining negative intentions where
there are none. This can be especially true with authority figures,
whom the Six may imagine to be either more malevolent or more
benevolent than they actually are.

Give Effective Feedback
Giving positive feedback is usually easy for Sixes, but giving con-
structive feedback can cause them to engage in extensive antici-
patory planning. When they do this, Sixes review numerous details
and examples, anticipate how the feedback recipient may react,
and develop strategies for minimizing the negative consequences
of the interaction. Although this preplanning is helpful, Sixes also
need to make sure that they bring calm, clarity, and hope to the
interaction, focusing on concrete behaviors and finding out from