Page 285 - Writing Winning Business Proposals

276 Appendix E

If you study the handbook, you won’t have to use a computer grammar
checker, which can find a comma splice easily enough but hasn’t the foggiest
notion (despite its fog index) about context. To understand what I mean, type out
a stanza or two of Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky,” a nonsense poem by the author
of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass:

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Your spell checker will go crazy, of course. But you will score very well on the “fog
index.” The sixth-grade level will suggest that your prose is clear and understandable.
Your grammar checker can’t understand context, and context determines
whether you should or could write a sentence fragment or use the passive voice.
Occasionally, fragments are effective, and sometimes the passive voice is necessary.
You know all that because I’ve been telling you since the Introduction. The rest of
this appendix will try to reinforce the importance of situational context because,
as I provide some guidelines for improving the effectiveness of your sentences, I’ll
phrase most of the guidelines as questions rather than statements. The guideline
“Prefer the Active Voice?” really means, “In this situation, given these readers and
your attempt to achieve this purpose, should you consider using the active voice?”

Avoid Abstract Nouns in the Subject Slot?

When you were six years old, you didn’t need to know the rules of grammar to be
able to speak a perfectly grammatical sentence. Similarly, you don’t need to know
much about grammar to write good. (Just joking! I know it should be “write well.”)
It is helpful, however, to be able to identify the sentence’s subject, predicate (i.e.,
the verb), and main clause. If you can, you will know how to fix the problem in
the following sentences. Each of these sentences contains examples of the worst,
most prevalent, and easiest-to-fix problem that affects your writing style (in cer-
tain contexts!)—abstract nouns in the subject slot:

1. A new approach to the air flow problem has made ACME a major player in the
design and construction of complex commercial buildings.
2. New regulations from the state and tighter building codes from the city are
taking up more and more of the engineers’ time.
3. The shortage of support staff and the absence of proper control systems are
causing inefficiencies in your operation.