Page 212 - Appreciative Leadership
P. 212

The Path of Integrity  185



            To forgive other people or groups for their relational impropri-
        eties that troubled or caused you problems does not make you weak.
        It makes you a positively powerful leader able to bring out the best of
        people and situations. Both apologies and forgiveness are practices
        that help clear the air, set the record straight, and restore harmony in
        a relationship.


            There is a Taoist saying that we find especially useful in maintain-
        ing right relationship. It suggests that “when we find something we

        respect and admire about another person, we should make it our own.
        And if there is something that troubles us about another person, we
        should change it in ourselves.”  Th e fi rst part of this saying may come
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        easier to you—to learn from and adopt as your own that which you
        value and respect about other people. The second part may be more

        challenging to understand and to practice. If you are absolutely con-
        vinced that someone else has a weakness, the last thing you want to
        do is to admit to yourself that you too might have a variation of the
        same weakness.
            Take this example: Dick was always late for work, and when he
        showed up, he wasted more time with excuses and reasons why he
        was late. His colleague Shirley was frustrated. She continually blamed
        Dick for their work being late: after all, he was the one who was late all

        the time. When she finally took time for reflection, she realized that


        she too had an issue with being late. And that she was conveniently
        able to blame Dick for her own weakness. When she realized this, she
        decided to get her work in on time, even if it meant doing so without
        Dick’s input. Surprisingly, as she started to get work done on time,
        Dick started to show up on time in order to contribute and work with
        her—which he truly enjoyed!
            Determining what is relationally appropriate and what is inappro-
        priate may not be easy. Often, the best that you can do is to consider

        the options with an open mind and an open heart, talk to others who
        are involved, and then determine what you believe is the most respect-
        ful course of action. Consider, for example, the relational complexities
        in the following situation. How would you have handled it?
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