Page 25 - Communication in Organizations Basic Skills and Conversation Models

Communication in organizations 14

2 The speaker experiences understanding and it might be stimulating to hear their
thoughts expressed in other words. Listeners should be very flexible in the way they
express themselves.
When applying this skill it is important for listeners not to confuse their own opinions
with what the speaker is actually saying. It is therefore important that the paraphrase is
expressed in a questioning way. This gives the speaker the chance for correction. The use
of this skill is important when you have to get a clear picture of, for example, a guest’s
complaint or when you are given an assignment that you do not completely understand.
Here is an example from Dinner Ltd:

GERALD GLASS: From next Tuesday I have to go to Paris for three days. I don’t know
yet if I’m taking the plane or whether I should go by train. Can you arrange the trip
and hotel, Jenny?
JENNY JACOBSON: That’s fine, but if I understand it correctly you don’t know yet
which means of transport you will take, [paraphrase]
GERALD: Well, uh, I prefer to fly, I think…
JENNY: OK. So, you will be departing on the coming Tuesday and you will be returning
on Thursday. Is that correct? [paraphrase]

Reflection of feelings
The term ‘reflection of feelings’ literally means mirroring of feelings. According to
Hargie and Dickson (2004), reflections ‘can be regarded as statements in the
interviewer’s own words that encapsulate and re-present the essence of the interviewee’s
previous message’ (p. 148; see also Dickson, 1997). The goal of this skill is to show that
you are trying to understand how the speaker feels here and now in the conversation.
The first function of reflecting is that speakers notice that their feelings, regardless of
their nature, are being understood, accepted and getting attention. Often the intensity of
the feelings (e.g. anger) then diminishes. The reflection of them has a soothing effect.
The second function of reflection of feelings is a controlling one. You are checking
whether you have estimated the feelings of the speaker correctly.
Recognition of feelings and sensitivity to moods is a prerequisite if you want to reflect
someone else’s feelings correctly. People can show how they feel or how they felt in
different ways. They might use ‘emotion’ words such as ‘I am scared’, ‘I am excited’ or
‘I feel exhausted’. But usually feelings are shown in nonverbal ways: for example, by the
speed of talking, tone of voice, body posture, or by blushing and turning away. All these
can be regarded as expressions of how the person is feeling. By being alert to these
behavioural manifestations of emotion it can become easier to reflect the other person’s
feelings.
Feelings can be divided into single or complex feelings. Single feelings can either be
positive (‘I am happy’) or negative (‘I am sad’). Complex feelings, in particular, are often
confusing and especially arise in emotional situations. Feelings of stress and tension can
be both positive and negative. When these kinds of feelings occur it is important that you
show consideration for them.
When applying this skill it is important to be on the same wavelength as the speaker.
This means that you reflect the other person’s feelings with the same intensity as they