Page 26 - Communication in Organizations Basic Skills and Conversation Models

Listening skills 15

express them. When someone say ‘I feel so listless’, then the reaction ‘You don’t want to
live anymore’ would be too strong a reflection, and the reaction ‘You’re a little bored’
too weak a reflection. The reflection should be connected to the expression of the
feeling(s). This sounds easy, but in practice it is difficult but very important to apply this
skill correctly.
The application of this skill is especially important in situations that are highly
emotional. An example of a situation in which negative emotions play a part is one in
which bad news needs to be conveyed (see Chapter 10). An example in which positive
feelings are involved is a situation in which an employee is enthusiastic about a
promotion. The next example illustrates how reflection is used in a conversation between
Freddy Fortune and secretary Jenny Jacobson:

Jenny Jacobson is somewhat upset because the typing has been piling up
over the last few days and because the managers keep on forgetting to
mention where they have gone.

JENNY: I can’t go on any more. A client called yesterday and I couldn’t tell him where
you were or when you would be back in the office again.
FREDDY: I understand this is upsetting you. [reflection of feeling]
JENNY: Yes indeed, and that’s not all. Since I have had to handle all those calls, I don’t
get around to doing all the other work. Look at the stack here that I still have to do!
FREDDY: I can imagine you get irritated [reflection of feeling]. I’ll make sure it doesn’t
happen again, [promise to change]

Concreteness

The meaning of concreteness in conversations is that you let speakers tell their story as
concretely and precisely as possible. This is a task that consists of several skills. The
skills already mentioned, such as listening, minimal encouragers, asking open and closed
questions, paraphrasing and reflecting, all contribute to the concreteness of the
conversation. By listening and encouraging you can stimulate speakers to give a detailed
expression of the case they want to discuss. When that is not enough, more specific
information can be gained by asking open-ended and closed questions. Finally,
paraphrasing and detailed descriptions also help to get a clearer picture.
To make sure that the speaker is as concrete as possible, you the listener should make
sure your own use of language is as concrete as possible. Many people are inclined to
understand stories too fast, based on similar experiences of their own. Doing so can lead
to the wrong advice being given. Words such as ‘always’, ‘everything’ and ‘never’
should act as warning bells. In general, undefined statements and generalizations such as
the following should be noticed: ‘That whole project was a disaster.’ Trying to make
statements like this concrete usually gives a more finely tuned picture.
How far should you go with concreteness? In general it depends on the goal you have
in mind. If, for example, you want to find out why an employee is performing his tasks in
a certain manner, you will have to go deeply into the subject and get a very concrete
answer. In a first orientating meeting with a client you will have to tolerate more
vagueness and lack of clarity.