Page 36 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

Self, Attachment, and Self-Esteem
Lecture 9

In this lecture, we consider how self-esteem develops and what emotions
are involved in the process. We also look at how we manage our self-
perceptions and our self-presentation to preserve our self-esteem in our
daily interactions with others. To do this, we use a simple model of self-
awareness called the Johari window.

he Johari window (see Figure 9.1) is a simple table built around two
dimensions—what you do or don’t consciously know about yourself
Tand what others do or don’t know about you. The upper left pane,
box 1, is the open self—all the information, behaviors, attitudes, feelings,
and desires that you and others know about you, or that you would tell them
about you. This is the area where you construct and preserve a coherent
narrative of yourself and a stable sense of self-esteem. The upper right pane,
box 2, is the blind self. This includes all the things that you don’t see or know
about yourself but that others recognize—from minor unconscious habits to
substantial automatic defense mechanisms or approaches to conÀ icts. As you
become aware of these things through self-observation or talk with trusted
others, your communication improves.
Lecture 9: Self, Attachment, and Self-Esteem
The lower left pane of the Johari window is box 3, the hidden self. These
are all the things you know, but keep secret, about yourself. When and how
you disclose these things—and how much you tell—shapes the way you see
others and how they see you. The lower right pane is box 4, the unknown
self. This box represents nonconscious truths about you—things that neither
you nor anyone else knows. The contents of this area of the self are inferred
by things that appear in consciousness and take you by surprise, triggered by
situational cues you hadn’t noticed before.

The unknown self is the home of the early learning that shaped our

basic temperament inheritance before we were ¿ve, that established our
personality and became the foundation for a distinct sense of self and self-
worth. Because our course focuses on effective communication for better

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