Page 41 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

x Avoidance. We refuse to face a threat.
We simply step out of the way of any Overuse of ego
situation that might force us to face defenses in
weakness in ourselves.
our lives can mean
x Rationalization. This is the most real disconnection
common defense. We make excuses, from reality
explaining away threats to our sense and relationships.
of self.

x Intellectualization. This is rationalization for the better educated.
They can provide more complex explanations of their own reality
that will distance them from their bad behavior.

x Displacement. We redirect our reactions from a more threatening
activity to a less threatening person or object.

x Projection. Rather than accept negative emotions in ourselves, we
attribute our anger and threatened feelings to other people. More
commonly, we simply blame others for our problems.

x Regression. With this defense, we revert to an earlier, more
“childlike” state. For instance, in reaction to a stressful or unhappy
situation, we say, “Let’s party.”

We can use our defenses to temporarily reduce anxiety by distorting our
perceptions of reality (or distancing ourselves from reality). This can provide
us time to overcome sudden life crises. In the short run, our defenses can
help us deal with unresolvable conÀicts by avoiding or denying them until

we are strong enough to handle them. However, overuse of ego defenses in
our lives can mean real disconnection from reality and relationships.

In his model of ego functioning and communication called transactional
analysis, Eric Berne describes how we look and sound when our ego is
managing reality so we don’t have to deal with it directly. This model is
an easy way to understand the connection between what goes on inside
our bodies emotionally and how that automatically emerges in the sound

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