Page 44 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

on your stomach with one of your little ¿ngers sitting in your belly button.

Close your eyes to reduce any external distractions.

Using only the nose for breathing, breathe in slowly—and as you do, push

your belly out against your waistband. Your ¿ngertips should feel the belly
pushing outward as you breathe in (or upward, if you choose to practice
this lying down). When the in-breath is complete, pause for just a moment,
and then breathe out slowly through
the nose—pulling your belly back
in as you do. Continue to breathe in In dif¿cult moments, take a

this manner.
time-out and give yourself a
In the centering breath, we don’t chance to become calm.
move the chest or shoulders; instead
we move the belly. Why? Because as
we move our stomach, it opens a space for the bottom third of our lungs to
expand—this is the part we rarely use in everyday breathing, the part where
most of the oxygen transfer to our bloodstream occurs. In fact, if you do ¿ ve
Lecture 11: Conscious Self-Talk and Self-Management
of these deep breaths, you may feel a little light-headed. This is not cause for
concern; it’s just your brain getting more oxygen than it usually does.

In a stressful, dif¿cult conversation, you have to interrupt the À ow of
emotional pressure from within and without. Try this self-management
method. Step 1: Take one or two centering breaths. Step 2: Ask yourself
a focusing question beginning with the words “I wonder,” like “I wonder
what’s really going on here?” and then answer yourself internally. Say
anything descriptive that you see, hear, or remember from the moment
before. Step 3: Straighten your posture. This move is to trick your

nonconscious brain into slowing the À ow of ¿ ght-or-Àight chemicals into
your bloodstream. Combine this with a deep centering breath, and talk to
yourself with your conscious mind. Step 4: In dif¿cult moments, take a time-

out and give yourself a chance to become calm. Politely let the other party
know you need to take a quick break, and then walk away for a moment.

Here are three more questions you can use to challenge your automatic
negative reactions and make your self-talk more positive and helpful: Do I
have any objective data about what might have contributed to this situation?

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