Page 47 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

The appreciative mind-set allows
The appreciative mind-set us to see the useful, desirable, or
positive aspects that already exist in
allows us to see the useful,
the current situation or in the people
desirable, or positive aspects present—and to know that these
that already exist in the can be revealed, evoked, or realized
current situation. if we ask the right question. An
appreciative view includes valuing
and honoring the other while he or
she is talking by showing respect, consideration, and direct acknowledgment
of his or her value. Be sure to ask for the other’s input, legitimize his or her
feelings, and ask for clari¿cation where appropriate. Ŷ

Suggested Reading

Kehoe, Communication in Everyday Life.

Exercises

1. Think of the last time that your drive to be and feel right in a complicated
conversation took over your thought and speech in ways that judged
another from a position of condescension or contempt because you were
so certain of your position that you didn’t care what the other thought at
that moment. Who was the receiver of all this “rightness”—a friend, a
loved one, a boss or coworker? How did it work out in the moment? Was
the other persuaded and glad to have your insight, or instead resistant,
threatened, or angry? How is your relationship now? Is all forgotten
and forgiven, or does it seem that the other remembers your attack of
“rightness” and is wary of interacting with you?

2. Write a list of six appreciations of things that happened in the recent
past—things that have happened to you or that others around you have
done that made you feel good. As you do this, notice your mood. Do you
start feeling more positive and optimistic, even for a moment?

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