Page 51 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

Differences, Disagreement, and Control Talk
Lecture 14

Control talk, which is used for dealing with differences and disagreement,
is divided into two types—light and heavy. This lecture focuses on light
control talk, which occurs often in our daily conversation. It is the talk

we use to inÀuence or persuade others to see the world our way.

he ¿rst assumption behind problem solving with control talk is that
we need to somehow manage the other or the situation to maintain or
Tregain our face and feel right. Second, we assume that if we persist in
our efforts to persuade the other, he or she will change. The third assumption
is that the other person’s mind works the same way our own does: We
assume that our story is obvious to anyone who hears it, that it’s the truth and
based on real data, and that we have access to all the data we need to make
this argument. The fourth assumption in our model of control talk is that the
other person’s resistance to our point of view is a personal matter. Our ¿ fth
assumption is that the other is to blame.

Light control talk is an automatic response to problematic interactions. This
includes situations involving noticeable differences between us and the
other as well as real disagreements, where differences have hardened into
positions on something that’s important to both of us. Light control as a
form of problem-solving talk occurs in two situations: where people expect
us to use it to persuade and where it emerges as our natural response to
communication problems in the moment.

So let’s review both of these types of situations. Light control is expected
and, within certain limits of performance, accepted in key situations that
recur in our daily lives. These situations have a common theme: One party
to the conversation has more power than the other in that moment, and the
other accepts this difference to get what he or she wants—such as expert
medical advice. The forms of power used are seen as socially acceptable
aspects of the role being played in the situation. Light control as persuasion
works well for us when the other person has far less power than we do, has

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