Page 56 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

Suggested Reading

Kehoe, Communication in Everyday Life.

Exercises

1. As you begin to take a conversation personally, you need to stop the
conversation and calm yourself—before you say the worst thing that
could come out of your mouth. Tell the other what you’re about to do in
your descriptive, nonjudgmental adult voice. “Actually, I need to stop
for a moment here. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting very upset
with this talk, and I need to calm down a bit before we go on. So, I’m
going to leave for a couple of minutes to …” (get a glass of water, go

to the bathroom, return to my of¿ce). Before you turn away, say “While
I’m gone, I’m going to try to see this disagreement from your point
of view. Just a suggestion, but maybe you could do the same for me.”
You’re probably thinking no one ever does that; my response is right,
and that’s why so many of the really important decisions in our lives
go badly.

Lecture 15: Commands, Accusations, and Blame
2. In the situation above, once you’ve left the room for a moment, calm
yourself with deep centering breaths. Talk to yourself in your adult
voice by asking yourself a question, “I wonder why he/she doesn’t want
to do it my way?” Then force yourself to answer from the other’s point
of view rather than just sticking with your own. Keep your promise
to come back to the discussion more composed, and prepared to ask
them more questions and make fewer judgments. You may or may
not get what you want in this situation, but even if you don’t, you will
have sustained the relationship, kept the lines of communication open
between you and the other, and retained the ethical high ground.

48