Page 61 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

Listening actively requires two interconnected processes: undivided
attention and understanding feedback. Make the choice to give the other your
undivided attention, and then follow through. Use the body to demonstrate
attention: Lean toward the speaker slightly; this communicates involvement.
Face him or her with an open body position: uncrossed arms and legs.
Show appropriate body
movement: People feel
uncomfortable talking
with someone who seems
highly controlled; slight
movements of the head
and hands to indicate
encouragement are
important. Also be sure
to make positive eye © Siri Stafford/Lifesize/Thinkstock.
contact. Start with the
other’s eyes, and move
to looking at his or her
face. Last, encourage the True listening involves hearing what others are
speaker to continue with saying from their point of view, not ours.
your facial expression and
paraverbal and verbal encouragers (“ah,” “uh-huh,” “right”). The second
aspect of active listening is understanding feedback. Periodically reÀ ect back
to the speaker in your own words the content and/or feeling the speaker has
communicated in order to show your acceptance and understanding. Be sure
to ask “Is that right?” and then listen carefully to the answer.

If the speaker is communicating his or her feelings openly, then a direct

reÀection will work ¿ne. Listen for feeling words (e.g., “excited,” “rejected,”
or “upset”) and use those to guide your reÀection (e.g., “You seem pretty

happy about this”). Often, however, you can see that the topic evokes
feelings in the speaker, but he or she does not name those feelings directly.
Infer from the content and from nonverbals what the feelings could be. If
the other complains about his or her personal life, you can say, “You sound
pretty down about this” or “That sounds really discouraging.” If you’re not
sure what feelings are being expressed, ask yourself what you’d be feeling

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