Page 45 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

If you know other people who’ve been in the same situation, did they react
the same way? What advice would I give, if a friend brought this problem
to me? The point of this internal debate is to shift your feelings from hot to
cooler and also to shift your thoughts from absolute shoulds to preferences.
All of this shifting will give you choices to deal with the reality at hand
rather than denying or avoiding it so you won’t feel the pain of it. Ŷ

Suggested Reading

Braiker, “The Power of Self-Talk.”

Exercises

1. The next time you are confronted with an undermining communication,
calm yourself with a deep breath and an inner dialogue of problem
solving, rather than self-criticism.

2. Discover the voice of self-management and use it effectively. When
you are faced with others’ criticisms (unfair or not), choose not to talk
to yourself from the position of the critical parent or the whiny, angry

child. Instead, choose to ¿rst talk to yourself from your adult ego state.
Use a calm, reasoned, problem-solving voice to argue with yourself.
Practice makes better! If you do this again and again, this voice will
become available to you when you have to problem solve with others in
dif¿ cult situations.

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