Page 57 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

them from changing their behavior) or to reject them (which

won’t change their behavior either).

If you really want someone to change their behavior,

remember, they must feel the need themselves. It can happen

ONLY when they feel no need to defend themselves and when
you explain to them very calmly and clearly what exactly you

feel, why you feel that and what your needs are.

Let’s recap quickly:

1. Take a pause. Stop for a moment and take a breath.
Put aside any accusations against the other person.

2. Be aware of thoughts which are the source of anger.

Reflect on them deeply. What judgment, opinion or

belief in your head makes you feel the way you feel?

3. Understand your needs. If you already know the

thought behind the source of anger, consider what

need this thought comes from. What specifically are

you missing?

4. Express your needs. Do not judge the other person.

Talk only about your feelings, which appeared due to

the particular behavior of that person.

If you want to express your anger in a healthy way and use
it to create agreement and build better relationships, stop

blaming others for your feelings and direct the beam of

consciousness on your emotions and needs.

Learn how to constructively communicate these needs, to
help others understand what you feel and where your anger