Page 55 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

them how extremely important it is to you (probably yelling or

crying at the same time, as the conflict escalates).

The basic mistake most people commit when they are angry

is blaming the other person for what and how they feel. They

are not aware that anger really tells them about themselves. On
the surface, it seems like a stimulus is a cause of our anger and

bad emotions…and the real reason stays unknown.

The source of anger always lies in our thinking, beliefs and

attitude. Our needs, expectations and judgements. If you feel

anger, it very often means that some of your needs remain
unfulfilled. When you choose yelling and accusations as a

method of expressing this emotion, you’ll have unnecessary

conflict instead of solution and your relationship with the other

person will quite possibly get worse.

So what should you do when these intense emotions occur?
Treat them as an alarm, a sign pointing to a certain unsolved

problem. When the siren howls, direct all your attention

inwards. Why do I feel anger? What exactly made me so

angry? What am I missing that makes me feel this way? What

do I need?

Such insight and finding answers to these questions is not

easy when we feel like we want to fight and pour these bad

emotions on the other person. It is very important, however, to

stop for a while, take a deep breath and give yourself a few

moments to observe what is going on inside of you.

When you lose control of yourself under the influence of

bad emotions, the explicit expression of your anger can be

very tempting, even pleasant in a way. Holding it in may

require some inner strength, but when you manage to push the