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Asking for What You Want 177

more visibility, additional resources, or something we really feel as
though we deserve. I often get asked by women, “Why aren’t we at
the level of equity that we deserve to be?” Or I will hear, “There’s
something still wrong with the system” or “we are not seen as valu-
able as men.” Well, in some cases, there is still inequity for women.
One example is the continued pay gap, which still indicates that
women earn only 80 percent of what their male colleagues do in a
similar job. That is an issue that still needs to be addressed. However,
I encourage you to look within yourself to see what you are doing
that might be holding you back from getting what you want, need,
and deserve.
In many ways, we are born to be great negotiators despite some of
these statistics showing that we don’t negotiate for ourselves. Some of
our natural characteristics and traits can actually lead to being a good
negotiator because we are good collaborators and tend to keep our
egos out of the negotiating process. We are also known for going to
bat and asking for more money, promotions, and recognition for other
people who we care about. But, rarely do we do that for ourselves.
When I talk with women’s groups and at conferences, I find it
stunning that we still minimize our accomplishments, and think we
still need to ask for permission to ask for what we want. One key
reason is that we find it hard to promote ourselves or give ourselves
permission to ask for what we really desire. I emphasize with women
that it is important to recognize what we are good at and that we
deserve something that is important and fair for ourselves. “We are
in a place now in the business community where we don’t need to
be trailblazers.” Tory Johnson reemphasized that notion by saying,
“The opportunities are here and we are expected to ask for what we
deserve.”
Christina Hanger, COO of Worksoft, said, “Sometimes we think
that everyone should read our minds—that they should just know
what we want.” But Christina said she started early on in her career
thinking that it was okay to ask for what she wanted. What helped