Page 196 - Free Yourself From

Asking for What You Want 179

I was both fearful and uncomfortable in asking, I took time to listen
and receive support from several of my colleagues in terms of how to
actually ask for the job. Then I took a deep breath and asked. To my
surprise, I ended up being offered the position that I had not
expected! During my conversation regarding the job offer, I asked
for a signing bonus—and yes, I got that too! This was a turning
moment for me,” Lota said. “I learned that you don’t get what you
don’t ask for. Now, if I don’t get the title I want, I ask for it. If I don’t
have the compensation I want, I ask for it. If I don’t have the span of
control I think I should have, I ask for it.”
Lota shared with me that girls often learn early on not to feel
entitled to what they want, rather they are socialized to be grateful
for what they have. How many times do you hear women say, I am
so honored to have this role, so grateful to work for this company?
While there is nothing wrong with expressing your appreciation for
something, it can work to your disadvantage. Lota said that in the
early days of her career, she was grateful for simply getting a pay-
check. Women, by our very nature, take things to heart. Later, she
began to understand that there are times when you actually have to
consciously balance your core value or belief system of being grate-
ful for what you have with boldly taking steps to ask for what you
really need or deserve.
Lota said, “It is so important for all of us to become comfortable
with asking for what we want because it’s no longer like asking for a
piece of candy when we were little. The stakes are bigger and have a
far greater impact on our self-confidence, financial well-being, qual-
ity of life, credibility, and respect we earn from others.”

What Gets in the Way of Our Asking for What We Want?

Through discussions in our SHAMBAUGH WILL program and my
numerous interactions with both male and female leaders, I have