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Asking for What You Want 181

• People know what I want: We think that people know the
quality of our work, what we need, and how hard we work.
Therefore, they will take care of us.

What seems to get in our way can be addressed if we take time
to test our assumptions. In many cases, we learn that we have more
control and influence than we thought we did.

What If You Ask and They Say No?

One of the reasons we hold back from asking for what we want is the
fear of someone saying no. When coaching women to ask for some-
thing, I encourage them to be ready for the possibility of someone
saying no. It can be hard to separate the personal from the business
side, which can lead us to feeling devalued or even rejected. Rarely
is that the case. Know that it is okay to disagree and see things dif-
ferently and that saying no does not mean that it will always be no.
Part of asking for something and getting it is based on timing, other
priorities, or how we ask. Sometimes it is simply a matter of the per-
son you are asking is having a bad day.
Gary Budzinski, vice president of Hewlett Packard, said that his
strategy for getting what he asks for is: Go to bat three times for
what you want. If he asks the organization for something and they
say no, Gary said that’s okay. He tries a second time if this is the
battle he wants to fight. The organization may still say no. But even
after that, he will rethink his strategy and go back again. Why? “It
is amazing what a new day or a different time can lend itself to,”
Gary said. “In some cases, when they say no the first and even the
second time, it doesn’t really mean no. It may mean that I didn’t pre-
sent the right data or it wasn’t the right time to be asking.” So try his
three strikes rule. Go back and ask with a different approach or pro-
vide different information. Reapproach by saying, “Maybe I did not
communicate my request clearly to you,” or “I would like to revisit