Page 201 - Free Yourself From

184 It’s Not a Glass Ceiling, It’s a Sticky Floor

3. Be curious—don’t jump to assumptions: Take a
collaborative approach. When asking for what you want,
avoid being one-dimensional—build a bridge between their
concerns and interests and your request. Be curious about
their view of the world and how your request can be a
win–win solution. Ask open questions to explore their view
and use phrases that imply a joint success, such as: How do
we both do well? How would you define success? or How
can this turn into a win for you? Be careful not to over-
question or listen passively for too long. Find the right
balance between listening, asking questions, and then
getting to the answer. Otherwise, the other person may feel
that you implicitly agree with them or that you are more
interested in their idea than you are in having them respond
to your request.

4. Figure out what you don’t know and then build your
strategy: Get the lay of the land to get some context. Avoid
going in and just asking first—it’s better to engage in an
open dialogue to explore the best approach in terms of
getting what you want. For example, if you are going in for a
promotion say, “I have been in this role for three years.
What do you think it would take for me to get the next
promotion?” Your boss may say there is a freeze on
promotions so “not now” but in six months we can come up
with a plan. By using open-ended questions, you can get
better information to help you decide what your strategy
should be. If you learn that there is a freeze on promotions,
then shift your request to something else. Ask for something
other than the promotion, or propose the question, “Suppose
six months from now things are different, what are my
chances?” and “What do I need to do to achieve this goal?”
Then, commit to come back in six months and reevaluate.