Page 131 - How Great Leaders Build Abundant Organizations That Win

THE WHY OF WORK

right? What am I missing?” This simple three-part formula
communicates real listening:

1. I’m hearing . . .
2. Is that right?
3. Is there anything else?

This formula comes in especially handy when feelings are
strained or emotions run high, but it is also valuable in any kind
of negotiation, including the negotiation of a new relationship.
Of course, even the best of listeners won’t get anywhere
unless someone else talks. Work doesn’t always feel like a
safe place to disclose the things that keep us awake at night
or that are at the core of our innermost feelings. Nor do we
especially care to hear the details of everyone else’s colonos-
copy, marital discord, or high school basketball career. But
people don’t get the benefit of having close friends at work
unless they are willing to take some risk in letting people
know a little more about them than what is on their résumé.
And that means work has to be a reasonably safe place for
people to be honest.
Leaders can help create that sense of safety by listening
carefully to others and restating others’ opinions and feel-
ings, especially when conflict or tension exists. They can
also model appropriate self-disclosure by sharing their values
and experiences from time to time, either one on one or in
public. But self-disclosure without self-awareness or without
being interested in others as well can backfire. If one person
reveals too much too fast or too often while the other only
listens, the “friendship” will feel more like therapy or parent-
ing than genuine two-way connection.

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