Page 128 - How Great Leaders Build Abundant Organizations That Win

WHOM DO I TRAVEL WITH? (RELATIONSHIPS AND TEAMS [TH]AT WORK)

Unlike the tennis serve, the goal of a bid is not to defeat the
opponent but to encourage a volley. In fact, even in estab-
lished relationships people are not very apt to keep bidding if
we don’t hit the ball back. Gottman’s research found that an
overt bid that is not responded to is almost never repeated.
This suggests that it is just as important that we respond to
other people’s bids as that we make bids.
Both making and responding to other people’s bids are
crucial when we are new or when others are new to our
organization. But even when people are established, rela-
tionships founder when no one is bidding or when bids are
ignored. Even with old friends or family, unrequited bids
are unlikely to be repeated. This doesn’t mean we have to
accept every lunch invitation or agree to help everyone who
asks, but our response to these bids needs to acknowledge the
bidder and give positive attention even if we can’t go along.
“I’m swamped” does little to grease the skids of emotional
connection but will leave the bidder feeling exposed and
ignored, where “Darn, wish I could. Could we reconnect in
three weeks when this project is further along?” might save
the volley. Even “I’m almost always committed for lunch,
but have you thought of asking Tom?” might successfully
redirect the ball to a more suitable player while keeping the
bidder in the game.
When we raise concerns or work issues, we are also
bidding for a kind of attention. The staff meetings in the
preceding example were littered with the rejected bids of
staff members whose concerns or questions had been vir-
tually ignored. These dropped bids cluttered the emotional
court of the staff meetings, resulting in employees who felt
little commitment to the workplace, little involvement with
one another, and little confidence in management.

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