Page 24 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

be consciously involved in learning. We have to be willing to go outside our
comfort zone and do hard, often painful, conscious work.

We’ve been dealing with the perceptions of one’s self and behavior; what
about how we see other people? People are complex, and seeing them should
be more complex than seeing things. But
our perceptions of people are simple,
In most of the moments internally and externally consistent,
in our daily lives, we tend and stable across time—just like the
way we see ourselves, our behavior,
to be low-effort decision
and the world around us. Unless the
makers, using schemas for
situation compels us to do otherwise,
perceptual processing. we work quickly. We tend to have ¿ rst
impressions of people as a coherent,

uni¿ed whole. We organize our
perceptions around key dimensions, such as cold versus warm, and dominant
versus supportive. The culture provides schematic, prepackaged realities for
interpreting people and their actions. We tend to generalize about individuals
based on their membership in a group. This is a shortcut to communication—
but not to understanding. Ŷ

Lecture 5: The Conscious Mind in Perception
Suggested Reading
Hallinan, Why We Make Mistakes.
Tavris and Aronson, “Mistakes Were Made.”

Exercises

1. Accept that you (like everyone) have perceptual biases, or at least that
you may have them. Sometimes it helps to talk about this with a family
member who may also have internalized some of the same schema or
stereotypes. Sometimes it helps to ask a friend if he or she has noticed
you reacting to what you think is going on rather than what actually is.
(Note: Have this conversation when you are feeling particularly calm
and open to listening without defense. Ask a kind friend who will be
honest but gentle.)

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