Page 131 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

situations in which you can use this knowledge and apply it as

soon as possible!

What’s also worth mentioning in the context of giving

feedback is delivering difficult messages, when all we want to

do is ask people to change their behavior. Often when we want
to tell people something important, we take for granted that

they know more than they do or that they know what we are

thinking or how we are feeling. For example, “This worker’s

position in this company is solid,” or that, “Our relationship is

great.” However, the other party may not know that. Has your
boss ever asked you to talk for a moment and you knew they

wanted to tell you something important, so your self-talk

started getting louder and louder? “What’s wrong? What does

he want to tell me? Am I getting fired?” Then, after five

minutes, the boss told you that you shouldn’t leave the office
half an hour earlier and you should do something else instead

to finish out your day. You say to yourself, “Ooooh! Am I not

fired? What a relief… Ok… Wait… What did he say?”

If you want people to really listen to you and you want to

avoid causing negative emotions that may lead to unnecessary

behaviors or feelings, it’s crucial to address at the beginning of
the conversation whatever fear they might be having. So, for

example, when speaking to your employee you could say,

“Bob, you know that you are a great employee and that you

have a great future with us; however, I just wanted to ask you

to…” Or, for instance: “Honey, you know I love you and I see
my entire future with you, but I would really appreciate it if

you could please stop…” This way you are slowing down their

self-talk and calming their emotions. Do this whenever you

think someone might have even the slightest doubts about your