Page 127 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

little too quickly, your gestures were chaotic and you closely

examined all the walls in the room while you should have been

looking at the group.”

What is the outcome of such feedback? By commenting on

his performance this way, you only focus on his mistakes and
provide him with negative emotional content. Your friend,

getting a negative emotion, starts feeling bad and will

probably not listen to your advice. He might even get

depressed and be much more afraid or stressed out next time.

On the other hand, you might be wondering why he behaves
this way—after all, you are his friend and want the best for

him.

So how do we go about giving feedback? Firstly, you need

to be aware of the fact that if you want someone to learn

something, this person must be in a positive emotional

state. Motivation is a positive emotion. Even if you’re
motivated by bad things and prefer the so-called “negative

motivation”, the idea of motivation itself is still positive. If

you only tell someone about their shortcomings and provide

them with negative emotions, in most cases you will only

demotivate them. People are not able to learn effectively when
they feel bad. The key here is to associate the feedback

containing information about what should be done differently

with positive emotions.

Sandwich Feedback

Sandwich feedback is a model of giving feedback, which
allows us to motivate people instead of giving those negative

feelings. If you have ever watched the TV show Shark Tank,

this is how (usually, sometimes it gets brutal) “the Sharks”