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Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills | 305

to you when you start to use anger or try to make your opponent look
bad or weak.
iv. There is a consistent human tendency to believe that we are right and
are being reasonable. Much more often than we realize, other people
disagree with what we think is fair. Therefore, get an unbiased outside
opinion. Negotiators, who are realistic and willing to see the other
views of justice, are more successful compromisers.
v. If you are thinking mostly in terms of what you could lose, you are
likely to hold out for more – and lose everything. We hate to lose, even
by a little. The wise negotiator facing big losses may quickly ‘cut his/her
losses’. However, when you have accepted a small loss, emphasize to
your opponent what he/she has to gain by your co-cooperativeness.
vi. Lastly, watch out for deceptive, mean, and selfish techniques.

What to do if and when the Going Gets tough
Keep in mind a saying- ‘The relationship is much more important than the
conflict’. Stress to the other person the importance of a positive future. Look
for the opponent’s real reasons. Ask him/her why he/she resists giving in
on some issue. May be the other person will start person will start talking
about his/her needs (‘interests’) and reveal his/her underlying motives.
If it is a martial conflict, perhaps the histories of both partners need to be
considered.
If the opponent attacks your position or you personally, listen politely
and then try to divert his/her into the constructive development of a work-
able option by saying, ‘That’s interesting! What other ideas do you have that
would improve this plan’. Stick with the win-win philosophy.
On the other hand, it would be foolish not to even consider the possi-
bility that the negotiations might fail to produce a wonderful solution. Make
sure that you do all that you can to plan or even develop good alternatives
for your life in case this effort is disappointing.
When the discussion continues to be heated and opponents seem
impossibly at odds, it may be helpful to take a break. If there is a stalemate,
it may be fruitful to call in a mediator. In marriage counselling and divorce
settlements, mediators are especially helpful. Labour disputes profit from
a negotiator. When the animosity is so intense that it blocks all progress,
someone else has to intervene.

Agree upon the best compromise Solution Available. try it out.
Consider the pros and cons of each possible solution, based on the criteria
you have agreed to use. Do this co-operatively without either person

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