Page 313 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

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Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills | 301

Start with the Right Frame of Mind
As Thomas Gordon (1975) emphasizes, referring to parents in conflict with
children, it is better to view the situation as ‘two equals trying together to
solve our problems’ than to think ‘you will do it my way because I say so’.
Being in conflict doesn’t necessarily mean being mad at each other. It can
mean an opportunity to show your wisdom, to create a better situation, to
help both of you be winners. Having a negative, distrustful attitude is detri-
mental to this process; believing you must ‘win’ the argument or otherwise
you lose face is a bad attitude; feeling superior or being ‘hard-nosed’ and
feeling inferior or being a ‘soft-touch’ are both problems. Start by seeing
your opponent as a decent, reasonable person who wants to arrive at a fair
solution (until proven otherwise).
Deal with him/her with respect. Just as you would separate the person
from his/her behaviour, separate the person from the conflict.
In this fair and co-operative spirit, invite the other person to sit down
and talk it over with you. Even with warring spouses, marriage mediation has
proven to be far superior to settling disputes in divorce courts. Lawyers in
court do not take a co-operative, integrative problem-solving approach; they
take an adversarial, ‘get all you can’, ‘let’s-prove-who’s-wrong’ approach. If we
can control our emotions just a little, however, we can usually work out good
solutions. The co-operative, integrative solution approach is not appropriate
in all cases.

Have a discussion to understand the problem of both Sides. be empathic.

It is an important to make the first meeting as cordial as possible while
being honest and open. Persuading the other person to take the ‘win-win’
approach may take time, especially if the other person is angry. Admit there
is a conflict; acknowledge that both of you have legitimate needs and goals.
Be respectful and, empathize as much as possible, with each other. Indicate
that you are willing to be flexible and open-minded; ask them to be so and
if both are willing to make a sincere effort to work out an optimal solution,
recognizing that neither can have everything he/she wants, an amicable
resolution can be designed. It always makes sense to take the necessary to
understand both the sides.
Start by clarifying to each other exactly what the conflict or problem
involves. Find out what they want. Get all the information the other person
has to offer. Ask for all the additional information you need. Do not try to
offer solutions right away. First, just listen to their side, get all the facts, and
give the situation some thought (solutions come next time). Keep on main-
taining a good relationship, talk over coffee or take a walk together. Be as
understanding, empathic, and sympathetic as you can be (considering that
you may be viewed as the villain).

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