Page 314 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

Project Name: Manual for Soft Skills
\\mtpdy01\Womat\Indesign\Bhatnagar-Manual for Soft skills\06-Pagination\06-A-Finals\06-AA-Appl\Bhatnagar_Chapter 14.indd

302 | Chapter 14 ACE Pro India Pvt. Ltd.

It is important to use ‘I’ statements and avoid blaming ‘you’ statements.
Be especially aware of offensive language or attitude, e.g. don’t assume that
union’s only care about pay increases, don’t use offensive language, don’t
act as if all females are secretaries, etc. When describing your hopes for the
future, don’t just express the benefits you want, describe the benefits you
hope the other person (or other side) receives too.
Special attention must be given to the causes (try to avoid blaming) of
the conflict, as seen by both people. List the things each of you do that has
not helped to resolve the conflict. Consider what attempts have been made
to resolve the issue before. Also, very specific behavioural descriptions of
the desired outcomes should be gotten from both people. At the end of this
discussion, both people should understand the exact nature of the disagree-
ments. Be sure you do much more listening than defending or ‘explaining’.
Do not, at this point, disagree with the other person’s ideas and certainly
don’t attack or insult them.
Suppose an employee asks for a higher salary (his/her ‘position’) but
the company can’t pay it. If you found out that the employee liked the job
but his/her ‘interest’ was primarily to get some transportation for his/her
family, the company may be able to find extra work or a vehicle for the
employee. Suppose a principal wanted to fire a poor teacher (‘position’)
but couldn’t because of tenure. If the principal’s ‘interest’ (and the poor
teacher’s goal) was to improve the instruction in the teacher’s classroom,
there may be many solutions, such as hiring a skilful teacher’s assistant to
help out, co-teaching with a superior teacher, helping the teacher get more
training, transferring the teacher to another kind of work, etc. Stating
different demands or ‘positions’ does not mean that your basic ‘interest’ is
irreconcilable.
Recognize that there are probably many possible solutions that would
meet the interests of both the parties. Talk about your shared interests. It helps
you avoid thinking you will accept only one solution. Also, avoid feeling
competitive and that you must come out on top or get some concession to
save face. All of this takes time.

Gather All the Additional information you need and think of Several
options or plans for Resolving the conflict and Satisfying Shared interests.
try brainstorming.

Drawing upon the things you both agree on and upon your shared goals and
interests, draft some plans for changing things and for greater co-operation
which will maximize the desired outcome for both of you. Have several plans
or ideas (to demonstrate your flexibility).
One person, say a parent or child, may simply ask the other to join in
a rational, adult-like effort to resolve a difficulty between them. They are

Bhatnagar_Chapter 14.indd 302 2011-06-23 7:59:52 PM
Modified Date: Thu, Jun 23, 2011 06:35:43 PM Output Date: Thu, Jun 23, 2011 07:59:52 PM
TEMPLATE Page Number: PB