Page 358 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

346 | Model Question Papers

Accusing: ‘You don’t give a damn about me!’ ‘I feel neglected when you avoid me.’
Ordering: ‘You shut up!’ ‘I feel annoyed when you call me by names and
make fun of me.’
Questioning: ‘Are yon always this flirtatious?’ ‘I really feel insecure about our relationship when
or ‘Why did you do that? I feel like slapping you flirt.’
your face.’
Arguing: ‘You don’t know what you are ‘I feel convinced it is this way.’
talking about.’
Sarcasm: ‘Of course, you are an expert!’ ‘I would like you a lot more if you were a bit more
humble.’
Approving: ‘You are wonderful’, or ‘You are- ‘I really am impressed with your ______ and
attractive’. besides I like you. I am attracted to you.’
Disapproval: ‘You are terrible’. ‘I feel crushed when you seem only interested in
spending my money.’
Threatening: ‘You had better . . .’ ‘I’d like it if you’d . . .’
Moralizing: ‘You ought to . . .’ ‘I think it would be fair for you to. . .’
Treating: ‘You need to rest and . . .’ ‘I’d like to be helpful to you.’
Supporting: ‘It will get better’. ‘I’m sorry you feel . . .’
Analyzing: ‘You can’t stand to leave your ‘I’m disappointed that you are so reluctant to
mother!’ leave. . .’

Many of the ‘you’ statements are intended to exert power, to control, to intimidate, or to
put down the other person. They are not statements made by non-judgmental, mutually
respecting equals. They are authoritarian statements made by manipulators. That’s why it
is recommended ‘I’ statements to parents when talking to children.

‘We’, ‘it’, ‘they’ statements ‘I’ statement
‘Most people would have an affair if they ‘I would have an affair if. . .’
wouldn’t get caught.’
‘The group isn’t interested in…’ ‘I don’t think the group cares. . .’
‘The glass slipped out of my hand.’ ‘I dropped the glass.’
‘People have a hard time with math.’ ‘I am ashamed of my math score.’
‘The group is trying to help you.’ ‘I want to understand you but I’m having a hard
time.’
‘This weather is depressing.’ ‘I feel depressed.’
‘This class is boring.’ ‘I feel bored.’

In summary

• An ‘I’ statement may have 2 to 4 parts: (a) it is a self-disclosure, referring to ‘I’, ‘me’, or
‘my’, (b) it expresses a feeling, urge or impulse, (c) it may describe the other person’s
behaviour which is related to your feelings, and (d) it may indicate what you would
like to see changed, much like an assertive statement.

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