Page 138 - How Great Leaders Build Abundant Organizations That Win

WHOM DO I TRAVEL WITH? (RELATIONSHIPS AND TEAMS [TH]AT WORK)

When people have been exposed to trauma, abuse, or
neglect in their early years, their brains tend to become much
more sensitive to threat, abandonment, shaming, or stress,
pumping out the stress hormones more readily. Such individ-
uals then respond more self-protectively or aggressively, and
they take longer to calm down after a conflict. Under the best
of conditions, however, the brain circuits that promote empa-
thy and impulse control don’t always mature until the early
twenties or beyond. All of these variables affect our ability to
soothe ourselves when we get upset, feel empathy for others,
and think objectively in the midst of conflict.
Mirror neurons are especially sensitive to the moods and
perspectives of people with power, making the emotions
of leaders particularly contagious at work. Leaders who are
shaming, critical, or grumpy may evoke a lot of action, but
not necessarily a lot of learning and real productivity. In an
experiment with simulated work teams, the mood of the
leader impacted not only the moods of the team members
but their productivity and cooperation as well. The grumpy
bosses’ teams also made poorer decisions and chose less
effective strategies in their panic to please the grouchy boss.
Fuming and moodiness from a leader may get more work
done, but it will probably not be better work. What’s more,
people remember negative interactions with a boss far lon-
ger and with more emotion than they remember the positive
ones, so it takes a lot of positive interactions to make up for
one emotional zinger. In contrast, feeling a sense of security,
trust, and connection at work makes it easier to take tough
feedback, solve problems creatively, take smart risks, and
work through obstacles without giving up.
It is amazing how often relationships stagnate or con-
flicts escalate simply because people do not feel heard and

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