Page 142 - How Great Leaders Build Abundant Organizations That Win

WHOM DO I TRAVEL WITH? (RELATIONSHIPS AND TEAMS [TH]AT WORK)

Unfortunately we don’t live in this perfect world. Fortu-
nately, there is a Plan B for all of us less-than-perfect mortals:
apologize.
Apologizing gets a bad rap with many people, who feel
ashamed, weak, or foolish when they apologize. As a result,
many people have grown up with little or no experience
with a sincere apology. They have yet to learn how powerful
an apology can be in making up for lapses in empathy and
trustworthiness. Fortunately, apologizing is a skill that can
be learned, and it is almost never too late for a sincere apol-
ogy to begin its healing work.
Legal departments have been nervous about admitting
guilt when things go wrong for fear of lawsuits if people
get the smell of blood. But current evidence suggests that
doctors who apologize sincerely for even fatal mistakes are
actually less likely to be sued, and politicians and companies
are following suit. People will often see through self-serving
or manipulative apologies, but many folks are deciding that
apologizing is not just the economically smart thing—it is
the right thing. It is still nice to know that people will not
generally punish us for doing that right thing.
Of course, if apologies are not deemed sincere, they won’t
go far. Genuine empathy for the hurt feelings of the other
person is the basis of sincerity. Once we are willing to tune
in to that hurt, the steps of an effective apology are really
pretty simple: (1) Say what you did wrong (if you don’t know,
or you don’t think it was wrong, just go to the next step); (2)
say what you understand the other person might be feeling
and that you are genuinely sorry; (3) say what you will do to
try to make it up to the person or what you will do differ-
ently the next time this type of problem comes up; and (4)

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