Page 141 - How Great Leaders Build Abundant Organizations That Win

THE WHY OF WORK

conflict is managed with humor, empathy for the other per-
son, willingness to listen nondefensively, a focus on solving
the problem rather than blaming, and attention to creating
an environment of emotional safety and trust, long-term sat-
isfaction with the relationship is very likely.
As a leader, how well do you create a positive emotional
atmosphere at work? (See more ideas in Chapter 6.) How well
do you bring to the surface differences and conflicts inher-
ent in any team? Are you willing to ask how people would
rate you (anonymously) on how consistently and skillfully
you demonstrate empathetic listening, emotional trustwor-
thiness, appropriate humor, and encouragement of others
and on how consistently and skillfully you avoid criticism,
contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling? When conflict
erupts, are you a resource for helping people calm down their
physiology instead of escalating their stress? Do you encour-
age a focus on problems and solutions instead of blame?

Make Amends

A perfect leader or a perfect friend would always demon-
strate accurate and total empathy. He or she would always
understand, always connect, always help. This individual
would be completely trustworthy, always responding to our
needs out of a deep understanding of what drives us or hurts
us. Around such a person workers would always feel known,
understood, and liked. Their sense of personal safety would
skyrocket, along with their learning, productivity, and cre-
ativity. This is in principle only, of course. In actuality, we
learn to deal with stress, problems, and conflicts in part
through experience with being misunderstood, frustrated,
and left—in moderate and tolerable amounts.

122