Page 177 - Using the Enneagram System to Identify and Grow Your Leadership Strengths and Achieve Maximum Success

152 What Type of Leader Are You?

Listen Fully
Threes like to listen, but only in short spurts, wanting to get the
information and then get back to work. If the other person speaks
in concise phrases rather than in complete sentences, he or she
will perceive the Three as an effective listener. However, if the
other person talks at length or in abstract terms, Threes become
frustrated and impatient. In these situations, Threes let others
know when their time is up by going back to work or ending the
conversation with a sudden closing comment. When this occurs,
Threes may be perceived as cold or abrupt.
Threes feel challenged when the other person wants to discuss
feelings, particularly if these feelings are about the Three. Because
they tend to put their feelings aside or bypass emotional discus-
sions by overfocusing on work, emotional conversations—even if
the content has nothing to do with the Three—can make Threes
very uncomfortable; they often don’t know what to say or do.

Give Effective Feedback
When Threes give feedback, it typically is clear and honest. They
consider what goals the other person is trying to achieve, think
through concrete examples of behavior that do not match these
goals, and give their time and effort to help the other person
become more successful. All of this is done in an efficient way that
keeps the conversation short.
Goal-focused feedback can be highly effective if Threes also allow
room for feelings—both their own and those of the other person.
When the Three has strong suppressed feelings, the feedback recip-
ient may sense this and respond to the unexpressed emotions. In
addition, feedback recipients often have emotional responses to
what they are hearing, and these reactions often require as much
discussion as the content of the feedback. If the emotional
responses are not discussed, these feelings can lead the recipient
to be unwilling to accept the information and make changes. Threes
also need to remember that while honesty is good, so is gentleness,
since people receiving constructive feedback often feel vulnerable.