Page 181 - Using the Enneagram System to Identify and Grow Your Leadership Strengths and Achieve Maximum Success

156 What Type of Leader Are You?

However, while Fours develop intense relationships, they do so
primarily with people with whom they feel an emotional reso-
nance. Fours are more challenged in building relationships with
individuals who take longer to develop connections, who don’t
want to form relationships based on deep personal sharing, or
with whom the Four does not feel an immediate affinity. In such
situations, Fours can come across as overly intense or remote,
depending on whether the Four moves toward the person for
more contact or away from the person to create distance.

Communicate Clearly
Fours use emotionally expressive words, share stories about per-
sonal experiences, and often use self-referencing words such as I,
me, and mine. Although their word choice may sound deliberate
or contrived, they do this because they want to be understood.
Fours also tend to analyze and reanalyze conversations, including
how they came across and whether or not the other person valued
and empathized with what they said and felt.
Most Fours have a special gift for communicating symbolically
through the use of imagery, symbols, and metaphors. When they
fully grasp the nuances of a concept or experience, Fours can
explain a complex idea or feeling in a way that communicates its
essence. However, when they are grappling with the meaning of a
multifaceted issue or are in the throes of a personal experience
and are trying to sort out a myriad of feelings, they may talk about
the subject for prolonged periods of time. This gives them a way
to think out loud and sort out what it is they really mean to say.

Listen Fully
Some Fours talk more than they listen, others listen attentively far
more than they talk, and still others talk and listen equally. Fours lis-
ten best when they find the other person deeply interesting or when
the speaker is talking about something that is extremely important to
the Four. When someone is emotionally distressed, Fours will usually
listen to the person for extended periods and with great compassion.