Page 73 - Talane Miedaner - Coach Yourself to a New Career_ 7 Steps to Reinventing Your Professional Life (2010)

STEP 2: IDENTIFY YOUR PERSONAL REQUIREMENTS 61

offender know about it graciously and firmly. Here is an example
of how to stop the irritating or undesirable behavior in a graceful
and effective manner. (Ladies, pay strict attention, since we tend
to be particularly weak in this department!)

1. The first step is to inform. For example, “Do you realize that you
are yelling?” Or, “Do you realize that your comment hurt me?” Or,
“I didn’t ask for your feedback.” If the person continues with the
unwanted behavior, take it to step two, but only after you’ve tried
step one.
2. Request. Ask the person to stop. For example, “I ask that you stop
yelling at me now.” Or, “I ask that you give me only constructive
feedback.” If the person still doesn’t get it and the behavior
continues, try step three.
3. Demand or insist. “I insist that you stop yelling at me now.” If the
person still persists, take it to the next step.
4. Leave (without any snappy comebacks or remarks). “I can’t
continue this conversation while you are yelling at me. I am going to
leave the room.”

The secret to using this four-step model is to say everything in
a neutral tone of voice. Do not raise your voice or let it fluctuate.
You know when you’ve got a little fire or judgment in your tone.
Remember, you are informing the other person, so keep it calm.
Think of reciting each of the four steps in the same way you’d say,
“The sky is blue.” Keep in mind that successfully transitioning to a
new career depends on creating an environment where you set these
boundaries.

The Power of Establishing
Boundaries at Work

How can you feel good about yourself if people are yelling at you
all day? How can you feel appreciated if people criticize you? It is
difficult to stay positive in these situations, especially if you are