Page 76 - Talane Miedaner - Coach Yourself to a New Career_ 7 Steps to Reinventing Your Professional Life (2010)

64 COACH YOURSELF TO A NEW CAREER

of knowing how important timeliness is to me.” Or more simply,
“Do you realize you are fifteen minutes late?” Or, “I’d appreciate it
if you’d show up on time.” Think of it as holding up a mirror and
reflecting back to people what they are doing.
Ninety-five percent of the population will get the message and
show up on time for your next appointment. And for those who
don’t, take it to level two—request: “I request that you show up on
time.”
Most people make the mistake—especially women, since
we have been raised to think we are being nice by not address-
ing something on the spot—of letting an infraction pass the first
time. If you make it a point to address the behavior immediately,
it is easier to do it in a neutral tone of voice without anger, resent-
ment, or judgment. It is when we wait that all the anger builds and
gets in the way of our ability to enjoy the relationship. People treat
you the way they do because you have allowed them to do so, and
you must take responsibility for how you have trained and edu-
cated people. Make it easy on yourself and give others, especially
the ones you love, a chance to change their behavior. Inform and
request a couple of times with friends and family before you move
to demand and insist.

Do Boundaries Keep People at a Distance

and Shut People Out?

While boundaries are permeable and allow us to let the “good
guys” over the moat and into the castle, walls keep everyone out. If
you don’t have sufficient boundaries, you will get burned and will
eventually put up walls to protect yourself. It is boundaries that
enable us to really open up and be intimate, because we feel safe.
The bigger your boundaries, the safer and more relaxed you’ll feel,
and the easier it will be to deeply connect with other people. And,
I’d be surprised if you didn’t already know that close and powerful
relationships are the key to being successful in any line of work.
What if the four steps aren’t working? Well, that means that
you need to take the fourth step to the next level—leave the